


Old Demons, New Flames

by Nynaeve



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon - TV, Canon Compliant, Episode: s08e10 Endgame, F/M, Falling In Love, Forgiveness, Healing, Post-Endgame, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-20
Updated: 2011-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-23 22:01:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nynaeve/pseuds/Nynaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Two years ago Seven left Earth. Now she's returned, but her wounds aren't as healed as she thought they were and she finds hope from the most unexpected person.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Demons, New Flames

**Author's Note:**

> _A/N: Inspired by "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. As much as I dislike C/7, I've always thought Seven gets the wrong end of the fans wrath. I'll admit that this story challenged me on multiple levels, but I think in the end, I conveyed what I wanted. I hope you enjoy it!_

_The shadows flitted back and forth on the ceiling, her lover rhythmically snoring next to her. Sleep was inefficient, but Seven felt her dependence on Borg technology was a leash now that they were on Earth. To be able to rest without aid would be freedom. Sekaya, Chakotay's sister, had invited them to a planet near the DMZ to assist with rebuilding. He had declined and while he didn't say it outright, Seven knew it was because of her limitations. She shifted onto her side._

" _Trouble?" Chakotay murmured and he rolled over to face her, the light from the city reflecting off his pupils and amplifying their usual intensity._

" _I did not mean to disturb you. Perhaps this exercise would be better served elsewhere," she said softly. Her bare leg slid out from underneath the covers, but he put a hand out to stop her._

" _Stay. We can work on it together."_

_She retreated back to her previous position and Chakotay pressed his calloused fingers into her nude hips to help settle her against him. He propped himself up on an elbow and began to half-whisper against her ear. The tune was a lullaby and as she listened, she was soothed into slumber._

Annika stood at the window of her spartan San Francisco apartment, her mouth twisted in a frown at the brilliant view of the horizon. Two years had passed since she'd last stepped foot on Earth and emotions that had been held at bay through strict Vulcan meditation were reasserting themselves. She struggled against them in vain. She didn't belong here; it was fact as much as feeling. Satek, her Vulcan teacher, would scold her for her weakness, but it didn't really matter - Annika had come and that was that.

Her mood was unbearably melancholy as she watched the ocean and her memories were pregnant with self-pity. San Francisco had been where her humanity had overflowed from inside her as she had learned its streets with Chakotay as her guide. The water, however, was the most offensive sight before her. He'd made love to her for the first time in a rented room by the beach, its windows thrown wide so they could wrap themselves in the aroma of briny air.

Even on Vulcan the distinct scent of the sea awakened the recollection of bare skin in friction with bare skin. The experience had been intense; she'd been unable to anticipate the heights of orgasm. Once she'd possessed the _joie de vivre_ of coitus through white-knuckled screams of ecstasy, she'd been loathe to give it up. At least, she had been until...

A chime at her door startled her and she dabbed hastily at the creases of her eyes.

"One moment!" she called out. She rose up and straightened out her voluminous Vulcan robes as she went. The door parted as she tripped the proximity sensors.

Standing before her in uniform was Harry Kim holding a brightly wrapped package that was orange with chartreuse polka dots; it was oddly reminiscent of Neelix. He pressed it into her hands and she gave it a bemused glance.

"Welcome back!" he greeted, his tone overly enthusiastic. "I heard you were in town and I thought I'd stop over."

"How are you Ens...Lieutenant Kim?" she responded as she caught sight of the second gold pip. As much as she yearned to leave him in the corridor and retreat back to her private musings, she knew she couldn't. Her former colleagues were maddeningly persistent. Stepping back, she motioned towards her living room. "Please, come in."

The doors shut behind him and he surveyed her living space, fidgeting with his collar nervously. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything. I just thought maybe..."

"There is no need for discomfort, Lieutenant. I had not anticipated guests this afternoon, but you are here and I am not presently occupied," she assured him. Taking the lead, she moved to the sofa and sat down, the package still in her hands. "I am unsure as to the custom for gifts."

Harry ended up perching on the edge of the lounge cushion as though he were ready to bolt at any moment. "It's nothing big, a picture. Spruce your place up," he explained with a skittish smile. "In retrospect, perhaps I should have gotten you a plant."

"A picture is perfect, thank you."

"So, Seven..."

"Annika."

He cleared his throat. "Annika, right. So, Annika, what have you been up to?"

She definitely hadn't missed the superficial social interactions of humans while she had been away. When her emotions had been tamped by her Borg implants, her dispassionate response would have been blatantly honest, however, now that she could feel joy and sorrow intermingled in her veins, she understood the need for small talk and distance. Caution colored those seemingly light questions, a way in which to test the trustworthiness of a companion. Her time on Earth was short; it would do her no harm to abide the idle chatter.

"I have been learning logic and discipline on Vulcan," she told him succinctly. There was no benefit to enlightening him as to her reasons; she'd hoped to avoid contact with any of her colleagues from _Voyager_. Tuvok must have divulged her travel plans and Annika hadn't expressed to him her desire to keep her trip confidential.

"Sounds like fun."

She laid the present on the coffee table. "Lieutenant..."

"Please, call me Harry," he interjected. "The rank makes me think of work."

She cocked her head. "Has it been unpleasant for you?"

"Not exactly," he answered, swallowing hard. "Honestly, I'm bored. I had my pick of assignments, but I was spoiled on _Voyager_. There was always something that needed to be done and not enough people, so my duties were fairly broad."

"And now you are relegated to your primary function," she surmised with understanding.

"Admiral Janeway thinks I ought to try command track, but I haven't decided. Part of me craves the thrill of the unknown and I've toyed with the idea of resigning my commission and heading out to the edge of the quadrant," he admitted and immediately his face grew red. "I haven't...I mean it's only a daydream at this point...don't tell anyone I said that, okay?"

"Do not worry, your secret is safe with me," Annika promised.

He relaxed back against the lounge, much to her chagrin. "Have you thought about the reunion? Starfleet's going all out this year."

"I am not attending. Several Federation scientists have been requesting my presence for many months. The annual reunion is coincidental."

"You've got to go! Everyone will want to see you," he countered, sitting forward again. "Last year we had to pry information out of Tuvok. Do you know how hard that is?"

The edges of her mouth twitched as she recalled with amusement how Tuvok had dryly told her that in the words of Tom Paris, she 'owed him.' This year, the _Voyager_ 's former chief of security was welcoming the arrival of a new grandson and would be absent. He had implied that she ought to participate, but she had sidestepped his advice. Smoothing her robes over her lap she met Harry's eyes, "Not everyone will wish to see me."

"You mean..."

"It is irrelevant. I am not going," she snapped and she stood abruptly. "It was thoughtful for you to have come by. I have matters to which I must attend."

"Annika," he addressed as he rose up. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Taking in a deep breath he rushed out his words. "Have dinner with me tomorrow night."

She raised her eyebrow. "I'm not..."

"I know a great Italian place a few blocks over with a bruschetta that will blow your taste buds to Mars and back again. I'm a fan of the alfredo myself, but the entire menu is amazing," he argued with a confidence that hadn't been present when he'd arrived. "C'mon. You have to eat."

She pressed her lips tightly together. "I am in possession of a replicator."

"No way is that as good as the real deal." He straightened in defiance. "Humor me, otherwise I might get the crazy idea to show up on your doorstep tomorrow with take away."

It appeared that she would be unable to deter him. Relenting, she agreed. "Very well."

"Great! I guess I'll be going then."

She ushered him out and when he had left, she retrieved the package he had brought her. Meticulously she opened the paper. The frame was duo-toned with both a glossy and matte silver and inside was the sharp image of the senior staff with Neelix holding a birthday cake. She was adorned in her blue catsuit and was clearly obliging Captain Janeway as she blew out the candles. Everyone else was cheering with grins.

Annika debated whether or not to trash the picture, resigning to set it on her side table. She considered it and then tipped it face down. There was little point in being reminded of what she no longer possessed.

_The heat sucked the moisture from her skin and Seven licked her lips in attempt to compensate for the lack of humidity. Her maroon catsuit was stifling, holding in too much of her natural body temperature for her to feel at all comfortable. Her Borg implants struggled to self-regulate. She would need to find more suitable attire if she intended a longer stay._

" _Your acceptance of my invitation was unexpected," Tuvok said to her as they headed towards his home. "When I left_ Voyager _I was under the impression that you were...attached."_

" _I was. However, I determined that such an attachment was unwise," she explained tersely. Her face betrayed her as she felt tears hit the backs of her eyes. One escaped and trailed down her cheek. "I apologize. I am in great distress."_

_Tuvok pushed open the door to his home. "You are welcome to stay for as long as you like."_

The bruschetta lived up to Harry's promise. Annika took another bite and relished the kick of the red pepper against the tangy flavor of ripe tomato coupled with silky olive oil. Each taste imbued her tongue with a new sensation. She became self-conscious when her dinner partner chuckled.

"I feel like I should give you some privacy," he observed and his dark eyes danced as a blush crept up her neck. "Don't be embarrassed, it's quite a treat to watch you enjoy it."

They were at a cramped table for two against the wall opposite to the entrance. The bustling crowd required the pair to sit close together and their knees kept brushing, not that Harry seemed to mind. Annika had eschewed her robes for a black pantsuit with a lavender bodice and had allowed her hair to be free from its usual plait. Vulcan robes on a young woman with Borg implants would draw unnecessary attention. At least this way the stares were kept to a minimum.

"Vulcan cuisine is bland and practical," she confessed.

"In that case, I'm glad you decided to join me."

She harrumphed. "As I recall, my options were limited."

Like the bruschetta, the lobster, grilled over wood-chips and served with artichokes, was a starburst of flavor, flaky, rich and Annika indulged herself openly. The evening had gone better than anticipated, she reflected as they completed their meal. Her day had been spent in the company of scientists keen to have her input on developing a transwarp drive. The prototypes were crude though she saw significant potential and her time with them had been as draining as it had been rewarding.

She hadn't really looked forward to making stilted conversation while taking in nourishment. Instead, much to her relief, the topics had been unexpectedly fluid; Harry had discussed his clarinet playing and how thrilled his mother was that he had maintained the discipline of practicing even while gone. He hadn't had a chance to perform with a group, but he'd participated in a few friendly talent nights. Annika discussed books she had read while on Vulcan and how she had developed a new appreciation for gardening.

Harry paid the bill although she had tried to insist that she was capable of covering the cost. He'd authorized the debit of credits from his account before she could protest further and then had offered her his arm as they exited the fine restaurant. She hesitated under the awning, wary of his proffered appendage.

"Is this a date?"

"Date? No, not at all," he brushed off, rescinding his arm and shoving his hands in the pockets of his brown slacks. "Just being polite."

She regarded him a measure of doubt. His attraction to her on _Voyager_ had been obvious to even the most naive observer and she hadn't missed the path his eyes took when she'd answered the door earlier in the evening.

"Why don't we take a walk?" he redirected and took a step towards the street. "Well?"

Harry's motivations weren't the sole reason for her reluctance. The memories of her time with Chakotay were difficult enough to work through without being slapped in the face with paths she had traversed with her former lover. No, they hadn't been everywhere in San Francisco, but there was an aura that permeated the city and she could sense it. It was a somber, poetic ambiance that confounded her with its subjective existence. She couldn't quantify how she knew it was there, only that it was.

Of course, she _had_ spent two years under a Vulcan master. Had she not endured months of back-breaking discipline for situations like this? Putting one foot in front of the other, she determined that she would bravely tread into the unknown. Harry's body let go of the tension he'd been holding and they meandered, side by side, past buildings dotted with brilliant white lights and streetlamps that pushed back the black of night.

"What have you been...up to?" she broached as they rounded a corner.

"Let's see...I was in a relationship for a while," he said with a hesitant pursing of his lips. "When we were stranded I'd been in a serious relationship with this woman, Libby. We reconnected when I got home and we were both single..."

"But it didn't work out?" she prodded. She clamped her mouth shut. "My apologies, that is a personal matter."

He gave a friendly roll of his eyes. "It was complicated. She does...stuff. Anyway, neither of us wants to give up our careers...I don't know. I think I might have been chasing something I thought I lost because it gave me a connection to my past."

"The heart tends to be inefficient," she agreed, her thoughts drifting towards Chakotay and the lingering frustrations.

"Yeah, tell me about it," he muttered, his voice barely audible.

They ambled around another block or two towards her apartment, their arms practically touching. It was oddly comforting to be near someone familiar and she was disconcerted at the emptiness that niggled at her, hinting that perhaps by leaving she'd been missing something.

"Here we are," he announced. He cleared his throat and then hastily added, "Have coffee with me tomorrow afternoon."

Another invitation. Her gut instinct was to utilize proper social technique and decline, but her mouth her responded of its own volition. "Yes." _No_ , she internally refused. Was her brain malfunctioning?

"I'll send you a message where to meet me." He leaned over and when she didn't resist, he pecked her on the cheek. "Good night, Annika."

And then it was over and she was standing in the lobby with the distinct feeling that coffee wouldn't be the last time she visited with Harry Kim.

" _Enlighten me as to why you have sought my counsel," Satek demanded, her hands hidden in her sleeves. Her skin was folded, leathery with years on a sere planet. She was ancient by Vulcan standards, remembering what few others of her kind could._

_Seven's stomach flipped, a strange and unpleasant reaction. "I wish to gain control of my emotions."_

" _An odd request for a human." The weathered woman lit a candle and glanced up at the former drone. "Your goal is not merely control, am I right?"_

" _I wish to subdue them," she stated cautiously. "I had an implant that muted them and it is my intention to have that returned to me."_

_The temple was moderately cooler than the surface above, the rocks shielding it from the heat, but the Vulcan guru wore multi-layered robes that rustled with each movement. Satek took deliberate steps towards the young pilgrim. "Water poured on desert ground cannot be once again put into the same bottle."_

" _I must try."_

" _Perhaps," she responded. "However, I will not help you. I train minds to resist the control of emotions such as fear, not to succumb to it. Be gone and don't return until you have determined to face your inner demons."_

"Hold still," the Doctor instructed Annika as he touched the tip of his instrument to her optical implant. "Two years without a check-up, it's a wonder you're even walking straight."

"My balance has never been better," she retorted and regardless of the EMH's admonition, she flinched.

He pulled his hand back. "I told you not to move."

"You are causing me discomfort." Her reply was couched in irritation and she let out a small sigh. "I will endeavor to remain stationary. Please try again." She had the light that was her breath...a zap went through her skull but she maintained control.

"If you'd arrived sooner you could have come to my performance at the Historical Opera House in Sydney. The architects swear it's exactly like the one that was destroyed during the third world war. Three nights and it was packed to maximum capacity. Standing ovations. Flowers. It was quite the scene," he described. He ran his tricorder over her, pausing a few times to tap in requests for various tests. "Of course, you were on Vulcan so it's understandable that you couldn't make it. There are holo-recordings for sale although I have copies I could give - "

The contact of her hand on his forearm interrupted his narrative. "I would have liked to have been there and I regret that I was not. It would be an honor to view your performance."

"Thank you Annika." He placed the tricorder on a nearby table. "I didn't know what to think, you left so suddenly..."

"My emotions were overwhelming me and I required guidance. Vulcans are renowned for such control," she explained.

"I could have helped you."

"Chakotay was in love with someone else," she divulged more bluntly than she would have liked. Despite the distance, she couldn't deny that for many years the holographic medical program had been her closest confidante. She'd wounded him by leaving and had hurt him even more by maintaining her silence. She would have to correct her error somehow. "I was ashamed that I'd missed what everyone else on the entire ship had plainly known for years."

"Janeway had kept him at a distance. There was nothing to know," he assuaged.

Annika slid down off the biobed. "Perhaps there was no relationship, but I stumbled across handwritten journals and rough sketches. I knew Chakotay to be a tactile person and there were many entries with poetic descriptions of his time in the Delta Quadrant."

"But..."

"But interspersed were some of the most beautiful and erotic expressions of adoration. Drawings, poems, lengthy recollections and fantasies. None pertained to me."

He idly arranged the medical tools on a nearby tray. "I had no idea." His holographic fingers hovered over his laser scalpel as a thought occurred to him. "Why _did_ you come back?"

"I..." There were a myriad of reasons - Satek mandated it, the transwarp project - but none of them seemed quite right. "I don't know."

The Doctor looked as though he wished to say more, but his comm badge chirped. Tapping his badge with a jerk of annoyance, he responded, "Doctor here."

" _Doctor, you're needed in surgical bay three."_

"On my way."

He considered Annika thoughtfully. "I'll send you a recording of my performance."

"Thank you Doctor," she replied. "I truly wish I could have been in attendance."

He started towards the door before turning his head. "Me too."

_Her console flashed letting Seven know that she had a new communiqué. She ignored it and continued about her routine of making tea and preparing a simple dinner. They arrived once a month, the same day, and from the same person. As much as she wanted to delete them, she didn't, and she'd saved each one. It defied reason, but she did it despite the clench in her soul. Her eyes kept drifting back over and she gave in. Sitting down, she called up the message._

_Instead of the expected video, there was a single attachment._

_She was being cordially invited to the wedding of Admiral Kathryn E. Janeway and Captain Chakotay._

Coffee with Harry had been a light-hearted affair that bled well into the afternoon. They stood in a park by the bay to watch the sunset and Annika bit her lip as her companion marveled at the resplendent swathes of tangerine. Chakotay had brought her to this place and kissed her as stars appeared overhead. To her the sky was black with red, angry, infected gashes. Satek would have chided her, telling her that it was good that she be present in such a place. The fury within was not to be ignored, rather given boundaries so that it did not decimate her soul.

"Well?"

She shook her head and focused her blue eyes on her companion who was clearly waiting for a reply. "Well what?"

"The reunion?"

Annika blinked and realized she hadn't been paying attention. "You will need to restate your query."

"Would you like to accompany me?"

"I have already stated that I have no intention of attending," she retorted with a flare of exasperation. She'd been as clear as a summer's day during their first conversation and she had believed the matter was settled.

He snorted sardonically. "For someone who spent two years with Vulcans, you have a knack for giving into your emotions."

"Explain yourself," she challenged in a low tone.

"Chakotay. Let's be honest, you can't stand to see him with Admiral Janeway." His answer stabbed through the niceties they'd been swapping for the last few days and Annika was abashed at his forthrightness.

"I will admit that it is unsettling, however, I was not well loved by the crew. I would be an impediment to an otherwise enjoyable affair," she countered. Her voice betrayed her despite the stoic tone.

"Really? You believe that? You're one of us whether you acknowledge that or not," he threw back.

She averted her gaze. "My time on _Voyager_ was...challenging."

"Who's wasn't? An hour. We'll stay an hour," he negotiated earnestly.

Against the dusk, the lines on his face were deeper and there was a world-weariness that had begun to etch itself in his visage. She'd labeled him as immature during her initial period on _Voyager_ and then she had ceased to give him any regard at all. In retrospect, she'd been short-sighted. Within the brief period of time that they'd spent together, she was experiencing something...fresh.

"One hour," she accepted. "After that I will turn into a pumpkin."

"A joke. I like it," he teased as he nudged her lightly. Maintaining his proximity, he tilted his head towards the nearby pier. "C'mon, let's go stick our feet in the water."

Annika followed after him onto the rickety wooden platform. He had already managed to peel off his shoes and socks and was rolling up his pant legs. Fastidiously, she mirrored his actions, but he already had his feet in the water while she was working on her left leg. It was absurd that she was doing this; she should have been telling him that she needed to return to her quarters.

"If we weren't in such a public location, I'd suggest skinny dipping." His tone was jovial and she leveled her gaze at him. Holding up his hands he surrendered. "Hey, can you blame a guy for wanting to take off his clothes with a pretty girl?"

"I gave you the opportunity to copulate with me while on _Voyager_."

"Touché."

The water lapped over her toes, an inky black without any light to reflect color and Annika examined Harry's silhouette. The sun was all but gone; there was only the glow of the artificial lights peppering the beach. A breeze caught the loose strands of his raven-hued locks and an image of her pressing her lips to his bubbled up into her calm. She rubbed her arms as goosebumps formed. She was lonely, that was all. There was no possible way she was remotely interested in...

"You all right?" he inquired, breaking into her internal chastisement.

"I'm tired," she lied. "I was up early this morning and I could use a few more hours of rest."

"I'll walk you back."

They collected their discarded clothing, opting to go barefoot rather than fight with socks over wet feet. Annika continued to feel a sense of discombobulation at her passing daydream. She'd explored her sexual identity once and it had very nearly ruined her, she couldn't afford a second mistake.

Even so, later, as she slept alone in her bed, her resolution was no match for her unconscious dreams.

_Tuvok tucked the blanket up to his granddaughter's shoulders and placed a kiss on her forehead. Seven had been heading to the lavatory down the hall when she'd heard the Vulcan's voice, smooth like melted chocolate, waft through the air. She'd been mesmerized by the scene. Given her time among the culture, she shouldn't have found the display of affection as curious as she did, but for a people controlled by logic, they had an incredible depth to their attachments._

_When she realized she'd been caught she ducked back and Tuvok joined her in the hallway. "Was there something I could do for you?"_

" _I heard you singing. It was a pleasing tune to hear although I shouldn't have eavesdropped. Forgive me," she demurred. Her robes contrasted his darker ones in the lamplight as he stood up straighter in consideration of her compliment._

" _It is a Vulcan lullaby. You have an aptitude for music; if you like, I can teach it to you," he offered._

_She shook her head. "I no longer wish to sing."_

A stocky Bolian male sat at a desk outside Janeway's office and he sniffed rapidly as Annika approached. "What can I do for you?"

The decision to meet with the admiral had been fraught with doubt. She'd had no intentions of getting within half a kilometer of Kathryn Janeway, but the head of the transwarp project, Edeilon, had insisted that she be the one to debrief the admiral and there had been no getting around it. Her goal, at this point, was to get in and get out as fast as humanly possible. Perhaps her superior Borg physiology would grant her greater speed.

"I am Annika. I have an appointment with the admiral," she announced. With the appreciative look ensign gave her, she wished she had opted for her Vulcan robes rather than the beige dress.

"Annika...Annika..." he muttered as he scrolled through his screen. "No Annika."

"Try Edeilon, although I would think my identity were obvious. I was formerly known as Seven of Nine..." she trailed off and raised the eyebrow with her ocular implant. His eyes widened in recognition.

"Oh. Oh!" he squeaked and he tapped the comm. "Admiral Janeway. There's an Annika...er...Seven out here."

There was a lengthy silence, then, _"Send her in."_

The ensign waved her towards the door and Annika squared her shoulders so as to exude self-assurance. The office was bright with wall to wall windows and there were an inordinate amount of plants. One corner had a petite free-standing fountain surrounded by two ferns and various flowering flora. The admiral was in the process of standing as Annika strode in. A glint of metal on Janeway's left hand attracted her eyes down to a gold band. The adornment was plain enough, but the admiral seemed softer because of it.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Another time, perhaps," Annika declined.

"All right, well, why don't you take a seat?" Kathryn suggested, giving an open-handed gesture towards the chair across from her desk. She sank down into her own seat and picked up her PADD. "I have the proposal and I looked it over. Tell me, what's your assessment?"

"The science is sound. I believe that with proper funding and adequate support testing could begin within the next five years," she replied, her demeanor decidedly cool.

The admiral nodded approvingly. "Very good. I'll make sure they get whatever they need, however I have one condition." She set the PADD aside. "You will remain an active participant in the project."

"My presence isn't required in order for - "

"Transwarp technology was languishing before they got hold of you. With your absence, I've noticed signs of stagnation. The war devastated the Federation and as valuable as transwarp is, I can't waste resources unless I can personally vouch for their success."

Annika set her jaw. Kathryn Janeway was a shrewd officer and she knew how to get what she wanted. As indignation began to churn within her breast, the younger woman sought the flame inside of her. Carefully, her words purposefully chosen, she spoke. "I will consider your request."

"Thank you."

They sat at a stalemate for a few seconds, each puzzling out the other's inner mind. As the moment ebbed, Annika was taken aback at the desire to stay, to address the underlying tension, to put down the first post of a new bridge. The hurt had been so raw when she had been in seclusion, but presently it seemed stale. Satek had forced her to help mend real flesh wounds saying that there was a lesson to be learned. At the time she had balked, but now she was seeing with a second-sight.

"I received your communiqués while I was on Vulcan."

Kathryn inhaled sharply. "I see."

"I loved him."

"I know."

"I was angry with you."

"I know that too. Are you still angry?"

The conversation ground to a halt and Annika weighed her emotions. When she had said goodbye to Chakotay, she'd hated her human frailty. Today though... "I am unsure."

"Fair enough," Janeway conceded.

The younger woman drew herself up quickly. "I will let you know of my decision soon. Thank you for your time."

"Annika..."

She ignored the verbal plea, she had given all that she could, and she walked as swiftly as dignity would allow away from her former mentor until she reached the outer quad area. The warmth of the sun was welcome as she let go of the tension in her shoulders. She'd made progress and that's what counted, even if she wasn't quite ready to embrace the only mother figure she'd ever known.

" _Do you wish to be called 'Seven' when you return to Earth?" Satek inquired, sipping tea and scrutinizing her student._

_Seven eyed her mentor. "I have no intention of returning to Earth nor have I given consideration to another designation."_

" _You said you had an invitation by one of the leading Federation scientists," the ancient Vulcan noted with a twitch of her nose. "Have you declined?"_

" _Not yet, but I plan to."_

_Delicately placing her cup on her saucer, Satek fixed her black eyes onto Seven. "You will accept and when you do, you will use whatever designation you think is most appropriate."_

_Eighteen months under the tutelage of the elderly woman had taught her not to argue. She was to obey completely or face rigid punishment. It had been a while since her muscles had ached under the weight of manual labor, but she had not forgotten._

" _As you require, Teacher."_

His hand on her bare lower back made her catch her breath. They were on the threshold of the ballroom that had been secured for the _Voyager_ reunion. From the china, elegantly austere in its design, to the magnolias that decorated the tables, it was clear that thought and care had gone into every detail. Starfleet's image remained tarnished after the war crimes of the Dominion and the Cardassians had come to light. The Maquis had been painted as heinous terrorists during the conflict, and while not all their actions had been noble, they gained a great deal of sympathy in the aftermath.

Harry prompted her forward and she carefully descended the stairs as the strains of from a stringed quartet carried over the crowd. In addition to the crew of _Voyager_ were various brass and select press. Camera flashes popped and she had to turn her eyes. Her diaphanous silver gown floated gracefully behind her and she knew it would make for quite the photograph. Her hair, braided loosely, was a conservative contrast to the strapless gown that clung to her figure at precisely the right points, cutting low both in front and back. The manner in which her companion's gaze had raked over her when he picked her up affirmed her selection.

"I swear these things get more expensive every year," he commented, the pads of his fingers grazing her spine. "The first reunion was a pig roast. Tom wore this hideous shirt with large palm trees on a red background. I think he said it was supposed to represent a sunset."

"It sounds as though it were comical," she remarked as she struggled to not shiver at his caress.

A familiar chuckle from across the room jolted her from the bubble that had formed around Harry and herself. She glanced back and saw _him_ , Chakotay, in his dress uniform. On his arm was Kathryn, who had foregone the uniform and opted for a tasteful black dress. Her meeting the day before had prepared her for seeing the admiral, but seeing her former lover...a wave of nausea washed over her.

"I require air," she whispered hoarsely and her partner didn't flinch as he escorted her to the back of the room and out into the adjoining corridor. There was an alcove nearby that they ducked into and Annika leaned back against the wall, deliberately inhaling and exhaling. Embarrassment covered her fear and she gave Harry a contrite expression.

"Don't," he told her, shielding her from the walkway with his body. "It's normal."

"To be frightened of a situation?" she answered derisively. "I spent two years on Vulcan training to avoid this exact scenario. I have failed."

He reached up and gently nudged her chin his direction. "You haven't failed. There's not a right way to get over a broken heart. There are definitely a few wrong ways, but those usually involve breaking the law."

She couldn't help but smile. The adrenaline from the previous moment bled from her and she went limp against Harry's torso. She just needed a few moments to gather herself. Spontaneously he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead in an attempt to console her. When his lips met her skin they both stilled, but neither backed away. The embrace lingered and she gasped as he casually kissed the top of her head again, then her cheek, and he hovered over her lips. He was wrapped in an aroma of vanilla and ginger, and she instinctively rubbed her cheek against his knuckles. She lifted her mouth, tentatively, and met his lips. It was slow, sensual, like the first taste of a freshly picked strawberry. To be this close to another person after her self-imposed celibacy was heady. He trailed down her neck and she threaded her fingers in his thick hair.

Finally, they separated although neither was willing to disentangle themselves entirely. She was torn. He wanted her, there was no question of that, but Annika was a woman of planned action, not of impulsive whims.

"I'm not sure this is wise," she warned, her respiration short and shallow.

It took him a fraction of a second to regain his equilibrium. "No, you're absolutely right. We should probably get back to the party."

Harry held tightly to Annika as they made their way back to the ballroom. It was full to capacity, and they were able to slip into the crowd as though they were never gone. She let him lead her out to the dance floor and she was grateful for the time she'd spent with the Doctor, practicing, while on _Voyager_. Harry cupped her hips possessively while they swayed. Unfortunately she never got past a single dance with her date as many of the crew sought her attention. Tom cut in, followed by the Doctor, and even Naomi managed to get in a twirl or two while securing a promise that Annika would come by for a visit soon. Chakotay was the only one who kept a respectable distance, not even giving her a sideways glance.

It was in a whirlwind that she found herself back in Harry's arms.

"Well, Cinderella, your hour is up."

Her gaze was fixed over his shoulder and he picked up on her hesitation.

"If you want to stay..."

Annika managed to zero in on Chakotay who was listening to his wife whisper in his ear. The connection between them was natural to the point that she wondered how she had remained oblivious to it for as long as she did. He had never been obsessed with Kathryn Janeway; Kathryn had been an inspiration, the muse from which his creativity sparked. The knowledge made her feel more barren than ever.

"I wish to leave."

The trip back to her apartment was filled with uneasy silence and when they arrived, she floundered for her next move. Annika dreaded the loneliness that would befall her shortly and she found herself searching for an excuse to keep Harry with her. The idea of inviting him up for sex was a vulgar notion, but she couldn't entirely exorcise it.

"Tonight was not as I expected," she admitted. "Thank you for persuading me to join you."

"Not a problem. Uh, sorry if I made you uncomfortable...earlier...with...you know..." he stammered.

"Do not apologize. It was...nice."

"Nice. Right," he replied and there was a sense of disappointment followed by a bitter resolve. "You know what. No. I'm going to say this and if it makes things awkward, so be it. I like you, Annika. I liked you when you were Seven of Nine and if I hadn't been so damn intimidated, I would have asked you out. Kissing you was amazing and honestly, I'd love to do it again sometime."

The sound of a hovercar passing by was deafening in the stunned quiet.

"If I weren't damaged..." she started.

"We're always going to be 'damaged'. I'm not professing undying love here; I'm asking for a chance. I'm asking for you to take a shot in the dark with me and see what happens," he appealed, taking her hands in his.

Annika stared at their joined hands and followed them up to his hopeful face. Wrenching away she apologized. "I'm sorry. I have to go." Then she fled.

Once safely ensconced in her apartment, she sought the vibrations of a sonic shower to banish the ache inside her that had been awakened. Harry was wrong, she had most definitely failed.

_The air blew hot across Annika's skin as she sat on the edge of the precipice. The sun was dipping below the horizon and the stars were appearing one by one. Her bags were packed and her transport was secure._

" _I find that the sunsets of one's homeworld are often the most lovely to behold," Tuvok observed, bringing the former drone out of her reverie. "I have to admit that I am partial to this view."_

" _I will miss Vulcan."_

_He sat down next to her. "You are welcome to return after your assignment is complete."_

" _That is my intention."_

_Tuvok didn't respond and they watched the sun descend behind the far mountains without further conversation._

A full week had passed since the reunion and the former drone had effectively filled her days with transwarp theory. Harry had left several messages, one apologizing, one asking her to call him, and the latest one merely to say hello. She deleted them without response. She rationalized that she was busy and she would be leaving soon, transwarp project be damned.

She was alone in the facility, the others having left hours ago, so the sound of a clodding gait disrupted her focus on the simulation and she was startled as a familiar form darkened her door.

"Chakotay," she blurted.

He looked as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

"I didn't know anyone was here." He picked up a PADD from the end of the table where she was seated. "Kathryn forgot to get the rough sketches sent to her; she asked if I could pick them up on my way home."

"Sketches, yes, of course," she echoed as she cleared her throat. "Is there anything else you require?"

He shook his head. "No, this is it." Tapping the PADD against his palm, he headed back toward the door but halted mid-step. She held her breath, waiting. He faced her. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You were clearly suited for someone else," she excused. It took every milliliter of courage to school her visage with her Borg mannerisms. She didn't want him back so much as she wanted her dignity. From the moment Annika had been severed from the Collective, her world had grown increasingly smaller. First she'd been stripped of her place in the galaxy, her connection to other minds that she understood. Divested of her safety, she'd stumbled through social graces, failing more often than not. But losing her pride...that had been worst of all. She couldn't even command an iota of self-respect.

"I never lied to you. I hope you know that."

"You were in love with Janeway yet you pursued me. Why?" It was a question that had plagued her since the demise of their relationship and her timbre was a sharp blade, slicing into her former lover.

"Kathryn and I have never been...uncomplicated," he explained slowly. "I think we thought we'd past the point where we'd ever be more than close friends. Regardless of what you may have inferred, I was never on the brink of leaving you. I don't know if we would have worked out or not, but I don't have any regrets."

A wet drop trailing down her cheek was followed by another and she sniffed, embarrassed by her blatant emotional response. "I wanted you to be happy. When I discovered your journals I knew...I knew I couldn't be that for you. I guess I had hoped you'd want the same for me."

"I do," he replied tenderly. He reached out his hand and covered her wrist. "You weren't a mistake."

She nodded and an alarm chirped indicating the hour. Chakotay pulled his arm back and sighed. "I need to go, Kathryn will be waiting." As he headed to the door he gave her once last glance. "I hope you stay, Annika. You were missed."

She watched as he disappeared into the corridor and she brushed away the tears. Shoving the PADDs aside she stared at her fingers wondering what to do next. She didn't really want to go back to her apartment and sleep and yet she wasn't going to be able to do anymore work this evening. Perhaps a walk would help her clear her head, so she gathered her things and headed out into the night.

 _The Vulcan transport commenced docking sequences and she stood at the window as Earth loomed outside. Satek had said she needed to come and learn the ways of her ancestors. Annika felt her stomach knot and she imagined the flame in the void. The flicker and the heat absorbed her fears. She was stronger than she believed, resilient beyond her expectations. She_ would _succeed. She would return to Satek wiser than when she left._

_Picking up her bags, she flowed with the crowd towards the station._

He answered the door in boxers and a gray t-shirt, his hair disheveled. "Annika?" Harry addressed blinking the sleep from his eyes. "It's oh-one-thirty. Is everything all right?"

"I was taking a stroll and I ended up here," she disclosed. "I know it is late, but I wanted to see you."

"Right, of course. Come in." He moved into his living quarters and Annika followed. Unlike her pristine apartment, there were several PADDs, clothes, and other personal effects strewn about. On the walls hung pictures, a few she recognized, but many faces were unfamiliar. He noticed her studying one above a large vase with a dead plant. "Oh, that's my roommate's family. And my roommate's plant. I warned him that I was no gardener."

"I was not aware that you were living with someone."

Harry shrugged. "I don't know if 'living with' is the right term. He left a month ago for a three month tour, so who knows, I may not even be here when he gets back." He scratched the back of his neck. "Not that I mind that you're here, but you haven't exactly been answering my calls..."

"I was frightened," she replied, pivoting around to meet his eyes. "I still am."

"Okay."

"You requested that I take a 'shot' with you and I have anticipated several problems. First, I'm not yet certain of my feelings for you. Second, I cannot guarantee our long term compatibility. And third, I will be returning to Vulcan," she listed, her hands fisted at her sides. "It would be irrational for us to make the attempt."

He furrowed his brow, perplexed. "Let me get this straight. You woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me why you _didn't_ want to date me?" He ran his fingers through his thick black hair and blew out a breath. " _First_ of all, I'm okay with your undefined emotions. I don't know what I feel either, I just know I like you, a lot. Second of all, no, there are no guarantees, but when in life is there ever? Finally, if you really want to make it, don't go back to Vulcan."

"The odds are not in our favor." Her logic was sound, solid, without error, so why were her feet planted firmly in place? Why the hell was she _there_? Her presence was insanity.

"I was supposed to be almost a hundred by the time we made it home. I think we're pretty damn lucky." He crossed his arms. "If you're not interested, fine, go, but don't hide behind excuses."

Annika lifted her chin. "I have found our time together refreshing and it has eased my solitude a great deal," she confided. "I am not unopposed, but..."

Harry closed the gap between them, enmeshing his fingers with hers and pulling her forward. "Stay. Just...stay."

The brush of his lips across hers was like the buzz from the aura of an electrical field. He slipped his hands onto her waist and molded her tightly to him. The kiss gained momentum, a taste, a nip, and then he was seeking the bare skin where her top and waistline met.

"Tell me you don't want this and I'll let you walk out the door," he whispered as he held onto the hem of her shirt.

She covered his hands with hers and urged him to keep pulling it up. Her tacit permission pushed Harry into overdrive. Years might have passed since she'd been pressed intimately against another human being, but it all flooded back as they disrobed. In a frenzy, they coupled on his lounge, a delicious mix of sweat and sex, and Annika desperately sought her climax. She used the terror of risking her heart and rolled her hips harder, digging her nails into his back. Her melodious sighs and throaty moans elicited grunts and curses from her partner.

When it was over, when the fiery lust in her blood had abated and her body hummed an otherworldly tune, they managed to get to his bed. She'd forgotten this, the warmth and security of a lover's arms. Her anxieties continued to flow but the tide was stemmed by hope and possibility. She...trusted him.

"We'll figure it out," he vowed as he stroked her hair back from her forehead. "Whatever has to be done, I promise."

"Admiral Janeway offered me a position with the transwarp project. I will accept."

"Good," he whispered, wrapping himself around her.

His eyelids were weighted down and as she lay there, in the dark, watching the shadows on the wall, his breathing evened out. Annika decided in the tranquil lull that in the morning she'd let her mentor know that she wasn't going to be returning to Vulcan. As she leisurely traced patterns on new lover's skin, she smiled and drifted off.

The End


End file.
